Vegan Double Chocolate Chip Cookies

So a few of you out there are lame-o vegans and always complain that I don't make enough vegan shit. Well guess what? I am not fucking vegan so why the hell would I go out of my way to make stuff that tastes like crap? The other day I decided to acquiesce to your demands and make some vegan cookies. Why? Because I was conversing with a vegan blogger (Writers Commentary, Epicharis) from across the pond and she said she doesn't eat cookies because she has not found a suitable egg substitute. I took this statement as a challenge to alter her cruel, cruel fate. While we are making fun of vegans, let's not forget our favorite (not really) resident vegan, Trainwreck. Let's begin:

Start by whisking 1tbl ground flaxseed with 3tbl water. This is your egg substitute. Make sure you whisk it until it turns all gelatinous and set it aside. In a large bowl mix 1c flour, 1c oats, 1/3c cocoa powder, 1tsp baking soda, 1tsp baking powder, and 1/4tsp salt. In a larger bowl cream 2 sticks of fake ass butter with 1/2c white sugar and 1/2c brown sugar. Add your "egg" and 2tsp vanilla. Since this is going to taste like shit we might as well mask it with an excessive amount of vanilla. Mix the dry into the wet and add 1c imposter chocolate chips.

This batter was really loose so I just kind of globbed it down on a baking sheet. Bad idea.
So I fucked up on my first run. Many of you don't know this but just about everything I do in the Cooking for Assholes kitchen is my first shot at it. Usually I am so fucking amazing everything turns out perfectly on the first try but not today. So what is my problem? Loose dough. Solution? Stick your dough in the fridge and chill it.
Roll it into tight balls and bake at 350 deg for 7 min. These are still a little flat but much better than before. This is as good as you are going to get for vegan cookies. Believe it or not they actually taste really good. Damn I impress myself sometimes. Eat it.

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